Wise Matchmaking Blog

Where is This Relationship Going? When is the Right Time to Have “The Talk?”

 

We have all been there.  You have been dating for a few months and it feels like you are in a committed relationship, but you haven’t discussed it.  We see so many singles who are afraid to discuss commitment for fear that they will appear desperate or over-eager.  But the flip-side is that a lack of communication can lead to misunderstandings, unmet expectations and most importantly, the start of a relationship that is not based on honesty and openness, and who wants that?

While it is hard to put an exact date on when it is time to have “the talk” because every relationship moves at its own pace, if you are ready to take the relationship to the next level and wonder if your mate is on the same page, here are some guidelines that indicate it might be time to have a discussion:

1) You are seeing each other three or more times a week.  Nobody spends that much time with someone they don’t like very much. If you are giving each other that kind of time, it is unlikely that this is a casual fling.

2) You are having sleepovers.  If you are shacking up with your date, it may be time to broach the subject of commitment.  If you do not want him or her having overnights with others, speak up.  It is not necessarily intuitive that sleeping together means exclusivity.  Maybe it should be, but that is a subject for a different blog post!

3) You are meeting friends and/or family.  If you are meeting each other’s friends or family, it is a sign that you are both open to the idea of being together long term.

If you are ready to be in a committed relationship and want the same from your partner, you can and should discuss where the relationship is going.  It is important to be clear and firm – both to yourself and your mate.  Too often we see people who stay in a relationship even though the other person has made it clear that he or she does not want to be committed.  That only serves to delay the inevitable.  If the person you are dating is not on the same page, cut your losses now and hold out for the perfect partner who wants to be committed only to you!

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