With the first date audition, I am constantly reminded of the Billy Joel lyric that “she only reveals what she wants you to see.” We can easily substitute pronouns here; Billy could have used “he” just as easily as “she.”
We know we are witty, but not that clever. We are polite, but never this chivalrous. We might be careful with our words, but we are not above profanity. We do not show our whole, authentic selves because we are on the audition, the first date.
I am constantly struggling to advise clients whether this lack of authenticity is a sign of insecurity or guile at its worst by the other person, but I am convinced that humans are more layered than drinks for 45 minutes at a lounge could ever reveal.