Wise Matchmaking Blog

The Decision

During the summer of 2010, LeBron James announced that he was “taking his talents to South Beach”.  For four years, the consensus among sports fans outside of perhaps Miami was that LeBron’s delivery and not so much the Decision itself was all wrong.

This Saturday night, many single men and women will be awaiting a Decision.  The Decision may be that he’s made any plans at all to take her out this Valentine’s Day.  The Decision may be a much-anticipated proposal.  The Decision may be as simple as the correct restaurant.  So the Decision (and Valentine’s Day falls on Saturday no less) will be scrutinized, no doubt overanalyzed, and will be met with all manner of judgment.

There’s no way to sugarcoat this as I have tried to do in my previous musings.  It’s a big night.  Both men and women can cling to rationalizations that this is a Hallmark holiday (and perhaps they’re right),  but I have found that to be an excuse nearly as old as the tradition itself.  I do not claim to know much about LeBron James, except that after his Decision from four years prior, he was compelled to make another Decision.  That Decision did not involve a press conference, a dedicated hour on ESPN, but rather a return to a jilted lover (Cleveland) and the seeking of forgiveness for his past transgression.

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts.

Categories:

Uncategorized

To the Finishers

A dear friend of mine finished her 5th NYC Marathon today.  She told me after the race that she was suffering from pre-race shin splints like “she had never experienced”.  The pain was so severe that she was nearly relegated to the status of spectator instead of participant.  She did not want this.  Friends and family told her about “next year” and “past years” and that her attempt at being a heroine was not worth the pain she inevitably would and did withstand for 26.2 miles through all five boroughs.

When I asked her why she ran, her answer was simple:  I wanted to teach my son to “finish”.  I too often hear that the date was over in minutes.  That the relationship had “run its course” (no pun intended).  I do question why those in the dating world do not finish.  One appetizer.  One drink at a bar.  One false move.  One untoward comment.  One untoward comment that is misconstrued.  One untoward comment that is misconstrued because of nerves.  One untoward comment that is misconstrued because of nerves because the person is so attracted to the other person that they fumble.  One…  and the balance of what could be, what might be, or what might not be at all a good relationship could be over in a moment’s notice.

There is so much discussion, literature, and entire professions given wholly over to the study of human complexity.  Yet, despite this universal understanding of how we are complicated, unique and superior to all other species, the wrong text message might mean that we are onto the next date.

Maybe it’s time to finish.

As always,  I would love to hear your thoughts.

Categories:

Uncategorized

Love of the Game?

“I’m Into Sports”…Be Careful.

The distinctions between the sexes are vast–thoughts, desires, insecurities, hobbies, and friendship dynamics to name a few.  I’m not scratching the surface so much as just looking at it.

One distinction that is pointed out to me by the men with whom I work is sports knowledge.  Their knowledge is not just that of a fan, but a scholar.  These men love sports and it runs deeps:  teams, players, leagues, statistics, history, childhood memories, etc.

So be a bit careful when you say you ‘love’ sports because you might be tested, perhaps subtedly and perhaps not.  The man might demand that the woman who proclaims she loves sports takes ownership of that statement.

Too many reports filter in of the following:  “she’s a fan…I think it was to impress me.”

Fair or unfair, sports knowledge is traditionally a male domain.  Women, if you’re confident, then go toe-to-toe with these guys and show them what you’ve got…show them the love…

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts.

Categories:

Uncategorized

July 4th, Celebrity, & Hope…

Today, the United States celebrates its birthday.  I embrace the better parts of the July  4th holiday–BBQ, the middle of summer, family, friends, and fireworks.

Ellis Island and the hope for something more has resonated with me for the better part of my life and despite revisionist history and that which divides us, I am proud, lucky and grateful to be an American. I also don’t know that there was room for Matchmakers in pre-colonial America:)

One observation (and it’s not mine) is that America never really broke from the class system. One class permeates our lives daily. Celebrity.

I can find at least one context where Celebrity applies to dating. The Celebrities who have risen later on in life (Clooney fame as opposed to Bieber fame) tend to remember life before their faces were plastered on billboards and adorning the covers of magazines.

Through my work, I find that the clients who did not find a wedding photographer in their face at twenty-four (or did but the moment did not last) likewise appreciate what they have now more than when they were twenty-four or perhaps moreso than the twenty-four year old.  [with all due respect to the twenty-four year old]

I will say that the wait and the hope to find a meaningful relationship has given clients a tremendous appreciation for what they’ve found, even if it didn’t happen right away.

So as we appreciate July 4th, perhaps the ‘class’ thing to do on this holiday would be to continue to appreciate the relationships we have–and know that there is a beacon of hope for the new ones to come.

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts.

Categories:

Uncategorized

Goodbye, Anna

Twenty years ago, you found romance for the first time with a girl named Anna.  You thought the world of her. You had an adolescent sense that the two of you would be together forever.  In the past, Anna would remain a memory.  Something sacred. Something untouched. Something that would be etched somewhere between your own imagination and the reality of being fifteen years old.  Anna, as in all my musings, could be Andrew.

Inevitably, she has now contacted you over social media.

Anna has four kids, she lives in the suburbs and your adolescent buzz has vanished.  Thanks.

My clients are all guilty of destroying the memory of Anna or having the memory destroyed by Anna herself. Anna is sometimes better left in your past. Anna is a fond memory.  Love had.  Love lost.

I encourage my clients to try, hard as it may be, to a have a healthy relationship with their past, and equally, a healthy relationship with the emotions that can be elicited over social media.

Sometimes I wish Anna would stop trying to reconnect. The memory was good enough.

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts.

Categories:

Uncategorized