Wise Matchmaking Blog

The Tough Part of Dating

April 15th is rapidly approaching. I cannot help but think of the accountants out there.  They will have the unenviable task of reaffirming to their clients that there are one of two certainties in this life.

Dating carries a similar if not more visceral and unpredictable responsibility for those who wish to break bad news.  Telling someone that you are not interested or not telling someone you are not interested or even implying you are not interested through your body language, words, deeds, and actions can be tough.

Delivering the rejection might be more difficult than receiving it.

I do not know if there is a criteria or checklist in our figurative dating manuals.  I think that each person reacts differently to the rejection and the intuitive dater might have to go gentle into that good night or not go there at all.

For the receiver, there is sometimes no real emotional connection so much as a bruised ego.  For those rejections, my hope is that the person takes the hit, stays the course, and moves forward.  So too do I hope that the person who breaks the news does not abandon dating for the fear of letting another person down.

This is one of my more dour musings, but I think there is value in thinking about how you handle rejection and the manner in which you dispense it.

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts.  Please email me at brooke@wisematchmaking.com.



The Decision

During the summer of 2010, LeBron James announced that he was “taking his talents to South Beach”.  For four years, the consensus among sports fans outside of perhaps Miami was that LeBron’s delivery and not so much the Decision itself was all wrong.

This Saturday night, many single men and women will be awaiting a Decision.  The Decision may be that he’s made any plans at all to take her out this Valentine’s Day.  The Decision may be a much-anticipated proposal.  The Decision may be as simple as the correct restaurant.  So the Decision (and Valentine’s Day falls on Saturday no less) will be scrutinized, no doubt overanalyzed, and will be met with all manner of judgment.

There’s no way to sugarcoat this as I have tried to do in my previous musings.  It’s a big night.  Both men and women can cling to rationalizations that this is a Hallmark holiday (and perhaps they’re right),  but I have found that to be an excuse nearly as old as the tradition itself.  I do not claim to know much about LeBron James, except that after his Decision from four years prior, he was compelled to make another Decision.  That Decision did not involve a press conference, a dedicated hour on ESPN, but rather a return to a jilted lover (Cleveland) and the seeking of forgiveness for his past transgression.

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts.



Will the Story Matter in 2015?


I am lucky to meet new couples everyday.  Lately the “how did you guys meet?” question seems taboo.  It’s as if even by my asking I have encroached upon something too personal.

In past generations, stories of summer camp, eleventh grade English class or the “that’s my Wife” declaration at the bar have all but faded.

Contemporaries who have stories like these are forthcoming with them.

By and large, these tales are unique.  They are relics from a bygone era.  Yet people are meeting, marrying, and starting families together.  So I pose the question, does the story even matter?

Are people turning away modern dating tools because the story of how they met will be less poetic?  I sure hope not.

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts.



To the Finishers

A dear friend of mine finished her 5th NYC Marathon today.  She told me after the race that she was suffering from pre-race shin splints like “she had never experienced”.  The pain was so severe that she was nearly relegated to the status of spectator instead of participant.  She did not want this.  Friends and family told her about “next year” and “past years” and that her attempt at being a heroine was not worth the pain she inevitably would and did withstand for 26.2 miles through all five boroughs.

When I asked her why she ran, her answer was simple:  I wanted to teach my son to “finish”.  I too often hear that the date was over in minutes.  That the relationship had “run its course” (no pun intended).  I do question why those in the dating world do not finish.  One appetizer.  One drink at a bar.  One false move.  One untoward comment.  One untoward comment that is misconstrued.  One untoward comment that is misconstrued because of nerves.  One untoward comment that is misconstrued because of nerves because the person is so attracted to the other person that they fumble.  One…  and the balance of what could be, what might be, or what might not be at all a good relationship could be over in a moment’s notice.

There is so much discussion, literature, and entire professions given wholly over to the study of human complexity.  Yet, despite this universal understanding of how we are complicated, unique and superior to all other species, the wrong text message might mean that we are onto the next date.

Maybe it’s time to finish.

As always,  I would love to hear your thoughts.



Love of the Game?

“I’m Into Sports”…Be Careful.

The distinctions between the sexes are vast–thoughts, desires, insecurities, hobbies, and friendship dynamics to name a few.  I’m not scratching the surface so much as just looking at it.

One distinction that is pointed out to me by the men with whom I work is sports knowledge.  Their knowledge is not just that of a fan, but a scholar.  These men love sports and it runs deeps:  teams, players, leagues, statistics, history, childhood memories, etc.

So be a bit careful when you say you ‘love’ sports because you might be tested, perhaps subtedly and perhaps not.  The man might demand that the woman who proclaims she loves sports takes ownership of that statement.

Too many reports filter in of the following:  “she’s a fan…I think it was to impress me.”

Fair or unfair, sports knowledge is traditionally a male domain.  Women, if you’re confident, then go toe-to-toe with these guys and show them what you’ve got…show them the love…

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts.