There is no accounting for taste. Bob Dylan is a lyrical poet. Bob Dylan is amplified mumbling. Jackson Pollack mastered the art of creating fractal dimensions on canvas. Jackson Pollack splattered paint and called it art. Snowden is a patriot. Snowden is a traitor. Two different people might look at one person and/or scenario and view them from two totally different perspectives.
In the complex world of dating, inevitably, you will meet someone who may have dated one of your friends. I too often hear clients tell me that my friend used to have a thing with her and he said, “she is awful–not for me.” Of course when pressed, the client will usually tell me he has never met “her” or she “him”. So where does that leave you?
Are you listening to the critics?
Continue reading on the Huffington Post: Your Treasure
Valentine’s Day is met each year with all manner of commentary. Perhaps it’s good for the economy. Florists do quite well. Jewelers are busy. Dim lit restaurants with ambiance make out (pardon the pun) like bandits. In past years and past blogs, I have observed that there is no way out of Valentine’s Day if you are in a relationship. I have also observed in past musings that the holiday is telling for those who have recently entered into a relationship. This year, my observations are more relationship-centered.
For many of my clients in perhaps the strongest relationships, I have observed the following: ‘We really have not figured it out yet.’ So naturally it would seem somewhat of a contradiction that the strongest relationships do not have the man with the plan of action. The big night, without a detail missing, right down to the nostalgic restaurant. Why is that?
In so many other thoughts, I have found that the man without the plan is less desirable because it might mean he has other, more important things to be doing. Now, I am staring at the strongest relationships I know and there is no plan, no restaurant, no big gift. ‘We’ll play it by year.’
Continue reading on the Huffington Post: The Value of Valentine’s Day?
Recently, I watched The Big Short, a film that explained the collapse of the Housing Market and the US Economy. The film celebrated those who have conviction. The heroes were the fund managers who broke convention, endured the wrath of colleagues, investors, and pundits alike, and remained steadfast in their belief that indeed the housing market was poised to collapse and the entire economy would go down with it.
There is a vast difference between those Wall Street visionaries whose conviction portended a horrible period for this country/world and the conviction discussed in this writing. Dating would seem comparatively unimportant in the face of what happened to our world during and after the financial crisis.
Continue reading on the Huffington Post: The Big Commit
The next few days are difficult for people, not exclusively singles. The interfacing with social media is mind numbing. Distressing for some. We all are going to say goodbye to 2015. Many people will look back at this year and tell us, in one form or another, through one web-based platform or another, what they are thankful for as 2016 arrives.
Inevitably, we will hear and likely read from our “friends” (now many of us have thousands of them) as they tell us how grateful they are for the new man/woman in their lives.
It is so easy and comfortable to talk about wanting that same experience for yourself in 2016. I suggest that 2016 be the year of discomfort. Dating is a process. So if your goal last year was to watch the ball drop with someone special, do not fret if it did not happen in 2015. Or fret. But at least allow the melancholy to challenge how you will do things differently in the coming year. How are you going to uncomfortably change your patterns?
Continue reading on the Huffington Post: Let’s Get Uncomfortable in 2016
Clients often ask when’s the right time to begin introducing this woman to my friends and family. My brother is so judgmental. My mother is a tough critic. My sister is a walking embarrassment – – she asks all the questions that I have avoided asking: his desire for marriage, children, career, and why he chose to live in an outer borough.
Where am I in this relationship?
Conceptually, these questions and insecurities are likely warranted. They are, however, somewhat peripheral to the relationship between the two of you. Perhaps a better barometer is the decision to bring her to a wedding.
Sure, you are celebrating another couple, but the two of you are now forced to independently reflect upon a lifetime together. Today, a lifetime does not necessarily mean marriage, but it does mean a commitment that transcends the initial bliss that likely led to you inviting him to the wedding. The groom looks handsome. His bride is radiant. You are surrounded by people, young and old, married, divorced, single who are all excited for the couple but also reflective as well.
Let’s make this about the two of you, with respect to the happy couple. When you look into his eyes, is this the guy that forever represents? Is this the female personification of what growing old together really means?
Continue reading on the Huffington Post: To Have and to Hold