Wise Matchmaking Blog

Old Fashioned?

Mad Men wrapped last night.  The show itself captured a decade in time that transformed American culture.

Aside from introducing us to Jon Hamm, who is timeless, the show brought back the Old Fashioned.  That bourbon and rye have made a comeback is likely not an accident.

In my work, women still clamor for the “old fashioned” guy who will sweep them off of their feet.  Sideburns, skinny ties, and the Cadillac may go in and out of style, but that desire for the old fashioned man is not gone.

I will miss Mad Men for any number of reasons, from the superficial to the intensely introspective.  This is not a muse about the inequities of the male-dominated industry or the women who stood up in the face of it, it is more a thought about the term Old Fashioned and how many times I have heard it tossed around…and what it really means.

What does it mean to you?

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts. Please email me at brooke@wisematchmaking.com.

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To the Finishers

A dear friend of mine finished her 5th NYC Marathon today.  She told me after the race that she was suffering from pre-race shin splints like “she had never experienced”.  The pain was so severe that she was nearly relegated to the status of spectator instead of participant.  She did not want this.  Friends and family told her about “next year” and “past years” and that her attempt at being a heroine was not worth the pain she inevitably would and did withstand for 26.2 miles through all five boroughs.

When I asked her why she ran, her answer was simple:  I wanted to teach my son to “finish”.  I too often hear that the date was over in minutes.  That the relationship had “run its course” (no pun intended).  I do question why those in the dating world do not finish.  One appetizer.  One drink at a bar.  One false move.  One untoward comment.  One untoward comment that is misconstrued.  One untoward comment that is misconstrued because of nerves.  One untoward comment that is misconstrued because of nerves because the person is so attracted to the other person that they fumble.  One…  and the balance of what could be, what might be, or what might not be at all a good relationship could be over in a moment’s notice.

There is so much discussion, literature, and entire professions given wholly over to the study of human complexity.  Yet, despite this universal understanding of how we are complicated, unique and superior to all other species, the wrong text message might mean that we are onto the next date.

Maybe it’s time to finish.

As always,  I would love to hear your thoughts.

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Love of the Game?

“I’m Into Sports”…Be Careful.

The distinctions between the sexes are vast–thoughts, desires, insecurities, hobbies, and friendship dynamics to name a few.  I’m not scratching the surface so much as just looking at it.

One distinction that is pointed out to me by the men with whom I work is sports knowledge.  Their knowledge is not just that of a fan, but a scholar.  These men love sports and it runs deeps:  teams, players, leagues, statistics, history, childhood memories, etc.

So be a bit careful when you say you ‘love’ sports because you might be tested, perhaps subtedly and perhaps not.  The man might demand that the woman who proclaims she loves sports takes ownership of that statement.

Too many reports filter in of the following:  “she’s a fan…I think it was to impress me.”

Fair or unfair, sports knowledge is traditionally a male domain.  Women, if you’re confident, then go toe-to-toe with these guys and show them what you’ve got…show them the love…

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts.

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How Long Must I Wait?

Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau made their way into Hollywood lore through the movie Swingers.  You will have to suspend your disbelief not merely because Swingers is a movie but because Swingers is a movie that defined dating in the late 1990s.

Swingers taught us the industry standard for post-dating communications.  Wait a “day and then a day.”

Meet on a Saturday, and call her Monday evening at the earliest.  However for the more prolific dater, six days was the lag time.

I have asked many a man what they think about the waiting period.  Many think that there’s no reason to wait. Others say somewhere between a day or two after a good date. Still others have not departed from the Swingers‘ guide and can wait up to two weeks to make any contact with someone they like.

My sense from Swingers is not time so much as space. The time between the date seems less important as being careful to preserve the memory without texts, Facebook chats and countless other technological advances that Swingers did not contemplate.

My thought is to preserve the memory and create new ones on the dates that will follow.

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts.  Please email me at brooke@wisematchmaking.com.

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No One is Getting Out of this One

It’s coming.  Married.  Single. Just dating.  No one is getting out of this one.  Valentine’s Day. If you have not phoned your florist yet, then my advice about pre-planning the flowers should be heeded next year.

The rest of my observations come from listening to heartache (“he did not do enough”), confusion (“he really went overboard and we’ve been on two dates”) or sadness (“I’m alone”) if you are going stag this year.

Take comfort.  You are not alone in this confusion.

If you are with someone whom you love, then be grateful if it’s not confusing, though it might be.  Quantum mechanics would seem less puzzling.  Red roses versus pink, earrings versus a necklace or even a handsome scarf versus the handsome tie.

I am at an equal loss when talking to clients.  There is one thing that I am certain of–pre-plan the flowers.

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts.

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