Advice from our dating services!!
Answers to soo many questions.
How Long Must I Wait?
Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau made their way into Hollywood lore through the movie Swingers. You will have to suspend your disbelief not merely because Swingers is a movie but because Swingers is a movie that defined dating in the late 1990s. Swingers taught us the industry standard for post-dating communications. Wait a "day and then a day." Meet on a Saturday, and call her Monday evening at the earliest. However for the more prolific dater, six days was the lag time. I have asked many a man what they think about the waiting period. Many think that there's no reason to wait. Others say somewhere between a day or two after a good date. Still others have not departed from the Swingers' guide and can wait up to two weeks...
No One is Getting Out of this One
It's coming. Married. Single. Just dating. No one is getting out of this one. Valentine's Day. If you have not phoned your florist yet, then my advice about pre-planning the flowers should be heeded next year. The rest of my observations come from listening to heartache ("he did not do enough"), confusion ("he really went overboard and we've been on two dates") or sadness ("I’m alone") if you are going stag this year. Take comfort. You are not alone in this confusion. If you are with someone whom you love, then be grateful if it's not confusing, though it might be. Quantum mechanics would seem less puzzling. Red roses versus pink, earrings versus a necklace or even a handsome scarf versus...
Cindy
Many of us have experienced this dreadful moment. The woman behind the counter has an eight pack. "Hi, I'm Cindy, and I'm here to make you feel terrible about your BMI, your weight, your eating habits, and the fact that you can last about one minute on the treadmill without gasping for that last breath of air. But I am just so pleased you have chosen our gym, with our waiving the initiation fee and throwing in two training sessions with me." Dating can be the same way. Dating is ultimately good for you. Hope springs eternal and you might eventually find her. And she you. The dread and the fear of 'signing up' is normal and you are in...
Let Your Past Guide Your Resolutions
Last night, you drank your last shot of Jägermeister because you decided that you're too old to still be doing that. You will stop using profanity, start hitting the gym at least three times per week, and you will forget about her. She's gone now. He's gone now too, into the abyss of relationships that did not work out. We are all renewed come January and clients remind me that they are going to do things differently this time around. I recently spoke to a man who told me about the advantages of his past. Without it, he would not know the wrong relationship, the right exercise routine, and the importance of practical, sustainable resolutions. This year, he will only date women...
What are You Doing New Year’s Eve?
The Holidays are sacred, literally. For many, they are the best time of the year. For some, the Holidays can be difficult--whether in, out, or, on the way out of a relationship. If this is a difficult time for you, know that you are not alone. Many are wishing that they had “unsubscribed” from every email distribution list also. ‘Don’t need another fleece, and I’ll pass on the free shipping.’ You may be suffering from Mistletoe Anxiety, if there is such a thing. Take comfort that you can be with the one you are with, meet someone new, or dream about the potential that 2014 will bring…all while staring at a well-groomed, perfectly manicured Ryan Seacrest whose teeth are whiter...
Showing Up
There is much acclaim for those who show up. Cal Ripken, Jr. played in every baseball game from 1982 to 1998. Woody Allen makes a new movie every year. He recently told the Wall Street Journal how he handles the flops: "If it's a disaster it won't ruin anything, because I'll already be working on the next." While Woody is not a model exemplar for dating and Cal's career batting average was well under .300, they persisted by not allowing the bad review or the subpar season to break their stride. Many of my clients get sidetracked after a bad date or two. Dating is not filmmaking. Dating is not baseball. However, the showing up after the "disaster" is fairly important....
The Best Friend
She stayed up all night with her after the last breakup. She was probably there when she met her then college boyfriend. The woman on your date tonight has a relationship with someone that preceded yours and it will not go away. Don't be intimidated. Just be warned. The ultimate oversight, aside from not picking a first date restaurant in her neighborhood, is the male and female tendency to overlook the best friend. The family is obvious. People pick their friends, and, with some, they have shared the best and worst times of their lives. Your date may have been the best man at his friend's wedding. She may have organized her friend’s bridal shower the week before meeting you....
Look ‘Em in the Eye
I recently had a discussion with a young, eligible "man of" the City. He talked about nostalgia. He did not bemoan the days that you could smoke cigarettes in bars or order a Big Gulp in Manhattan. He did, however, talk about how he could no longer approach a woman on the street in broad daylight in the City. For him, the pick-up represented an opportunity that love could be found near the entrance to the 6 Train or walking down Fifth. He talked at length about the courage and the confidence it took to approach the attractive stranger. This gave him a thrill. But the thrill is gone. His eyes six inches from your face have been replaced by any...
“Breaking Bread”
I have spoken with many couples of late, those married a year and those who are celebrating silver anniversaries. The running theme of these conversations has been, 'when did you know?' At what point did you know that you liked this woman? That you were intrigued by this man. Invariably, we collectively acknowledge that you cannot judge a book by its cover, but you can learn a great deal about the other at a restaurant, over dinner. It might begin with the choice of restaurant. If it's too trendy or expensive, he might be trying too hard--and if she recommends the place, she might be too expensive. Then, there are the manners with the wait staff. Is he asking nicely...
Are you a Minimalist or a Novelist Texter?
Perhaps this question is better posed to the Millenials. After all, Gen X and Gen Y went to middle school without lap tops, tablets treated indigestion, and you were forced to watch commercials. Nowadays, the common complaint among my clients is not so much the text message itself, but its composition. I personally do not have a good or right answer to this question. I commonly tell people to approach texting as a minimalist. Less is more. But then I hear that the minimalist is cold, lacking warmth because his texting is too brief. Words like "okay" or "great" seem distant; however, the other side of distant appears to be the novelist. The novelist composes his text as if he...