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The Decision
During the summer of 2010, LeBron James announced that he was "taking his talents to South Beach". For four years, the consensus among sports fans outside of perhaps Miami was that LeBron's delivery and not so much the Decision itself was all wrong. This Saturday night, many single men and women will be awaiting a Decision. The Decision may be that he's made any plans at all to take her out this Valentine's Day. The Decision may be a much-anticipated proposal. The Decision may be as simple as the correct restaurant. So the Decision (and Valentine's Day falls on Saturday no less) will be scrutinized, no doubt overanalyzed, and will be met with all manner of judgment. There's no way to...
Will the Story Matter in 2015?
I am lucky to meet new couples everyday. Lately the "how did you guys meet?" question seems taboo. It's as if even by my asking I have encroached upon something too personal. In past generations, stories of summer camp, eleventh grade English class or the "that's my Wife" declaration at the bar have all but faded. Contemporaries who have stories like these are forthcoming with them. By and large, these tales are unique. They are relics from a bygone era. Yet people are meeting, marrying, and starting families together. So I pose the question, does the story even matter? Are people turning away modern dating tools because the story of how they met will be less poetic? I sure hope not. As always, I would love to...
To the Finishers
A dear friend of mine finished her 5th NYC Marathon today. She told me after the race that she was suffering from pre-race shin splints like "she had never experienced". The pain was so severe that she was nearly relegated to the status of spectator instead of participant. She did not want this. Friends and family told her about "next year" and "past years" and that her attempt at being a heroine was not worth the pain she inevitably would and did withstand for 26.2 miles through all five boroughs. When I asked her why she ran, her answer was simple: I wanted to teach my son to "finish". I too often hear that the date was over in minutes. That...
Love of the Game?
"I'm Into Sports"...Be Careful. The distinctions between the sexes are vast--thoughts, desires, insecurities, hobbies, and friendship dynamics to name a few. I'm not scratching the surface so much as just looking at it. One distinction that is pointed out to me by the men with whom I work is sports knowledge. Their knowledge is not just that of a fan, but a scholar. These men love sports and it runs deeps: teams, players, leagues, statistics, history, childhood memories, etc. So be a bit careful when you say you 'love' sports because you might be tested, perhaps subtedly and perhaps not. The man might demand that the woman who proclaims she loves sports takes ownership of that statement. Too many reports filter in of...
Why Ask?
I do not know if people still play Trivial Pursuit because the answer to just about everything trivial or otherwise is an internet search away. However, one thing cannot be answered and likely should not be asked right away. One faux pas, the spelling of which I just double checked on Google a moment ago giving me reassurances as I write, is that people gravitate towards wanting certainties in newfound relationships. That is a consistent theme of my conversations with clients and pretty much everyone I come into contact with. The "what is he or she thinking?" is not restricted to a single gender. People want to know when they are uncertain where things are in a relationship, even if things are...
July 4th, Celebrity, & Hope…
Today, the United States celebrates its birthday. I embrace the better parts of the July 4th holiday--BBQ, the middle of summer, family, friends, and fireworks. Ellis Island and the hope for something more has resonated with me for the better part of my life and despite revisionist history and that which divides us, I am proud, lucky and grateful to be an American. I also don't know that there was room for Matchmakers in pre-colonial America:) One observation (and it's not mine) is that America never really broke from the class system. One class permeates our lives daily. Celebrity. I can find at least one context where Celebrity applies to dating. The Celebrities who have risen later on in life...
What Rafa Can Teach Us About the Long Rally
Yesterday, I watched as Rafael Nadal won his ninth French Open. Considering he is twenty-eight years old, his command of Roland Garros seems unimaginable. Somewhere between sets 3 and 4, I came to realize that Rafa was doing what a man whom I greatly admire advises his male friends to do on a date. Rally. To win a match on the red clay, it's not the serve so much as getting the ball back to your opponent, and doing so with consistency. There are too many dates where there's no rally. The man, and sometimes the woman, talks endlessly about himself or herself. Thereafter he or she is shocked that their wit, charm and command of their own story is...
Goodbye, Anna
Twenty years ago, you found romance for the first time with a girl named Anna. You thought the world of her. You had an adolescent sense that the two of you would be together forever. In the past, Anna would remain a memory. Something sacred. Something untouched. Something that would be etched somewhere between your own imagination and the reality of being fifteen years old. Anna, as in all my musings, could be Andrew. Inevitably, she has now contacted you over social media. Anna has four kids, she lives in the suburbs and your adolescent buzz has vanished. Thanks. My clients are all guilty of destroying the memory of Anna or having the memory destroyed by Anna herself. Anna is...
How Long Must I Wait?
Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau made their way into Hollywood lore through the movie Swingers. You will have to suspend your disbelief not merely because Swingers is a movie but because Swingers is a movie that defined dating in the late 1990s. Swingers taught us the industry standard for post-dating communications. Wait a "day and then a day." Meet on a Saturday, and call her Monday evening at the earliest. However for the more prolific dater, six days was the lag time. I have asked many a man what they think about the waiting period. Many think that there's no reason to wait. Others say somewhere between a day or two after a good date. Still others have not departed from the Swingers' guide and can wait up to two weeks...
No One is Getting Out of this One
It's coming. Married. Single. Just dating. No one is getting out of this one. Valentine's Day. If you have not phoned your florist yet, then my advice about pre-planning the flowers should be heeded next year. The rest of my observations come from listening to heartache ("he did not do enough"), confusion ("he really went overboard and we've been on two dates") or sadness ("I’m alone") if you are going stag this year. Take comfort. You are not alone in this confusion. If you are with someone whom you love, then be grateful if it's not confusing, though it might be. Quantum mechanics would seem less puzzling. Red roses versus pink, earrings versus a necklace or even a handsome scarf versus...